Transforming Through Cherishing
What is transforming through cherishing?
When I was Carol Olivia Adams’ guest on the most recent episode of her Blog Talk Radio show, “Health Is Wealth,” I was surprised and delighted to discuss the wisdom of leaving all types of relationships that have passed their expiration dates.
Why am I promoting ending relationships? This website’s name is TransformingThroughLove.com. If at least one of the people involved feels something they call love for the other, why can’t the relationship transform?
I’d wanted to name this website TransformingThroughCherishing.com, but it’s not a catchy name. Many years of life experiences have taught me to throw in with cherishing, not with love.
Love is a word that can mean whatever the sayer and the hearer decide it means. Do you love chocolate? I love chocolate, but that doesn’t mean my love for chocolate means I’m committing to only buying chocolate products that are good for me, good for the earth, and good for all the people who took part in bringing them to me. In this case, my love for chocolate can mean pretty much anything I want it to mean because there are no supportive actions attached to what I am calling love. I’m only interested in the way chocolate makes me feel. I don’t care about all the people who made the chocolate I’m about to eat. I don’t care about the future of the world’s chocolate supply. I don’t care about the future of the world. I only care about eating chocolate because it makes me feel good in this moment. In this case, love is just a word that sounds good.
How many people have told you they love you but didn’t choose to adopt the supportive actions and behaviors to show you what they call love was more than just a word to them?
Cherishing is a word that carries a clear meaning. If I cherish chocolate, I am not only enjoying the taste and the aroma, I am committing to only buying and consuming products made with sustainable raw cacao and chocolate products made without unhealthy additives that will support the health of all who created it and all who will consume it. Cherishing means committing to care for and protect someone or something other than you. People who cherish chocolate understand that their purchase affects everyone who was involved in its production. People who cherish chocolate understand that their purchase affects people they will never meet and, ultimately, the future of the world.
What does this have to do with relationships?
I’ll use my story to answer the question. I had a stroke four years ago that changed the way I move through my life. I went through stroke recovery alone, and I’m still going through stroke recovery alone. It took a long time before I regained the verbal skills needed to properly convey what I was experiencing while I was experiencing it, so I spent years observing how others treated me. I observed how I felt when I was alone, and I observed how I felt when I was interacting with others. I knew I needed to surround myself with people who cared for and protected me and was surprised by how few people I knew who were doing that. They weren’t actively listening to me. They weren’t asking me what I needed. They weren’t making my needs as important as their needs. Nearly all of them said they loved me. Whether or not they meant what they said, I didn’t feel loved by them.
Instead, I observed people who weren’t cherishing me. I observed people making celebrating their belief systems more important than celebrating or protecting me while I struggled to rebuild my life. I observed people criticizing me for following my guidance instead of taking risks they couldn’t see I wasn’t healed enough to take. I observed people criticizing me for the way I held silverware instead of celebrating the fact that I was still alive to hold silverware. I observed people putting their priorities and their desires over mine instead of working together. I observed people come up with all sorts of reasons why they wouldn’t be there for me, from arranging furniture to bad astrology to not believing I’d really had a stroke. There’s more, but I trust you get the idea. The love they said they felt for me was a theoretical love, and theoretical love won’t keep you warm at night.
Some of these people later admitted to me they knew I wouldn’t have had the stroke if they’d chosen to be there for me when I was going through a rapid series of traumas, shocks, losses and deaths. And they continued not to be there for me, believing that admitting they should have done more was enough for them to do. I realized those weren’t relationships worth keeping. Theoretical love won’t keep you warm at night, and theoretical love won’t help you heal or keep you healthy.
I’ve walked away from many once I realized that what they called love wasn’t matching what I called love. I didn’t make these determinations based upon one thing that happened. I observed these people for years before deciding to walk away. After years of doing involuntary research into what love is not, it now feels wonderful to only surround myself with people who are cherishing me through consistently caring for and protecting me. They speak loving and supportive words to me, and they take loving and supportive actions. The people in my life actively show me I am important to them by consciously partnering with me, and the continuing improvement in my health reflects my new choices.
If it doesn’t feel like love, why do it?
I’ll soon be offering a professional service designed to help you wake up to your truth. If you do the work with me and apply what we discover together, I hope you’ll be as happy with your results as me.
Watch this space.
In the meantime…..
“Run towards love.” Chelsea
Copyright 2016 by Sheryl Hirsch-Kramer. All rights for any further use reserved. For permission to repost or reuse the above only in its entirety, fill out this form: http://www.transformingthroughlove.com/contact/ The information presented at www.TransformingThroughLove.com and during coaching sessions is of a general nature and is not intended to be use as legal, medical or professional advice. None of the information on this website is intended as a substitute for the counsel of a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist, or other trusted health professional. Always contact your own health care provider to assist you with your medical or health issues. The information presented here is only meant to support you while you are being cared for by your own health care provider during your life’s journey. It is not intended to be used as stand alone legal, medical or professional advice. We cannot and will not take any responsibility for the results or consequences of any attempt to use or adopt any of the information presented on this web site as legal, medical, or professional advice.Always consult your physician or trusted health professional to design a treatment plan for your own or for someone else’s wellness. All the information on this website is intended solely as loving support intended to accompany traditional medical care, not as stand-alone advice. We appreciate your donations; please send a message via the contact form for donation instructions.If you like what you’re reading here, please forward this website to a friend: http://www.transformingthroughlove.com.
