Letting love in by admitting weakness. This photo was taken 14 months after I’d experienced a life-changing stroke and 4 days after my dog had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. When this photo was taken, I felt overwhelmed and exhausted. I had nothing left to give. I had to hit bottom before I could put together the plan that I believe saved Laila’s life and gave us two more precious years together. Photo by Service1stGraphics
How can admitting weakness bring us love?
Today’s client is a neighbor recovering from abdominal surgery. I’ve done healing work with her in the past, but she didn’t want to ask for my help this time.
I understand her because I’ve been her. We both come from a heritage that places great importance upon being strong. She wouldn’t have asked for my help today if she hadn’t run into me while she was very slowly walking around the block. She’s still experiencing weakness. She’d looked out the window before stepping outside. She didn’t want anyone to see her weakness. And guess who showed up. Surprise!
My work with her today was to suggest that it’s time for her to screw being strong.
I shared stories from my life to help her understand why it’s time for her to screw being strong. I’m going to share with you what I shared with her. She now understands why it’s time for her to screw being strong, and she’s doing a lot better this evening than when I saw her nine hours ago.
My best friend facilitates healing work. She told me a week or so ago that she didn’t understand at the time how serious my stroke was. I was amazed that someone with her extensive training, her decades of experience, her keen eye, and her intuition didn’t understand how bad off I was. I had a useless left arm and a very damaged brain. I was tired. I was scared. Everything confused and overwhelmed me. And she saw none of that because I’d pretended to be strong.
I remember people saying things to me that made no sense. One person criticized me for honoring my impaired sense of balance and not walking up a steep flight of stairs I knew I’d fall down. I knew my limits in that moment, and I knew it was most important for me to rebuild my confidence in living my life.
She’d pushed herself to have a normal life after being born with a disability, so she thought I needed to be pushed. Her disability didn’t involve her brain, and she had no understanding of what it’s like to live with brain damage. She also thought I was strong. She’d made up a story that that I was strong enough to be pushed, and her words set my confidence back for many months.
I put on the strong act because I’d lost faith that anyone would be there for me, post-stroke. Someone I’d loved and trusted had ignored my warning to treat me gently after the stress cardiomyopathy event I’d experienced two weeks earlier. I wouldn’t have had the stroke if my warning had been respected. It wasn’t easy to live with the knowledge that someone I’d loved and trusted could disrespect my warning and yell at me for no reason I could comprehend, raising my already elevated stress hormones to a dangerous level and destroying my life in one brief phone conversation. I’d decided that, If I couldn’t trust anyone to be there for me, my only option was to appear to be strong.
Like me, my client has experienced brain trauma. Like me, my client has worked very hard for many years to appear to be stronger than she is. Like me, my client has learned to keep most of the people she knows at what she thinks is a safe distance. And like me, that safe distance she has created is far enough to keep away love and support she needs right now.
I taught my client the open sesame that has changed my life. When I say it, many people are confused. They’ve made up stories about me that don’t allow for my truth, and they don’t know how to respond when I correct them.
Are you ready to hear the life-changing open sesame?
“I’m not as strong as you think I am.”
I’m saying I’m not a superhero. Superheroes don’t usually admit to weakness. Superheroes live a lonely life because most others see the super uniform and the super deeds and decide superheroes don’t need to be loved. Superheroes get respected. It’s great to be respected, but respect won’t keep you warm at night. Contrary to popular belief, admitting to weakness is something humans are allowed to do.
I knew early on I needed help, even though my brain and my mouth weren’t syncing enough for me to clearly convey how much I needed help. I learned early on that when people told me I was strong, they were really telling me they didn’t think they had to help.
If we are to effectively help others, we must learn how to speak their language instead of making assumptions. I learned this as a dementia caregiver. I loved my mother. I was an empath and could feel her frustration. Until I learned how to speak her language, the help I offered usually didn’t address what she needed.
By saying, “I’m not as strong as you think I am,” we begin the important process of messing with another’s preconceptions about us. When we mess with another’s preconceptions about us, we open the door to getting the help we need.
Not everyone will walk through that door we’ve opened. Most of the people I’ve said this to are no longer in my life, usually through my choice. It drains too much of my energy to continually fight the projections of others. Either they get it or they don’t. The people who willingly walk through that door are opening themselves up to a wonderful expansion. Through their service to another who needs their help, they are in service to themselves. Through their service to another who needs their help, they are in service to others who cross their path.
When we allow others to get to know the real us, we are giving them the opportunity to learn about love. When they walk through the door without knowing what they will find, they are doing something brave and beautiful. I honor their commitment to awakening to what real love can be, and I honor their courage.
My client has promised me she’s ready to screw being strong. She’s admitting her weakness in this moment. She’s not feeling sorry for herself. She’s accepting herself exactly where she is. She’s allowing herself to be human. She’s allowing herself to not be as strong as she wanted to believe she was. She’s had major surgery. She’s doing right by her body’s need to heal by honoring her present weakness.
I believe she means what she is saying. And, if she backslides, I’ll be there to remind her of her promise. That’s what I do with my clients. I remind them to commit to living their highest lives, and that’s what I will do with you.
Are you ready? Good! Just go to www.TransformingThroughLove.com/contact
I’m here for you.
Copyright 2016 by Sheryl Hirsch-Kramer. All rights for any further use reserved. For permission to repost or reuse the above only in its entirety, fill out this form: http://www.transformingthroughlove.com/contact/ The information presented at www.TransformingThroughLove.com and during coaching sessions is of a general nature and is not intended to be use as legal, medical or professional advice. None of the information on this website is intended as a substitute for the counsel of a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist, or other trusted health professional. Always contact your own health care provider to assist you with your medical or health issues. The information presented here is only meant to support you while you are being cared for by your own health care provider during your life’s journey. It is not intended to be used as stand alone legal, medical or professional advice. We cannot and will not take any responsibility for the results or consequences of any attempt to use or adopt any of the information presented on this web site as legal, medical, or professional advice. Always consult your physician or trusted health professional to design a treatment plan for your own or for another’s wellness. All the information on this website is intended solely as loving support intended to accompany traditional medical care, not as stand-alone advice. We appreciate your donations; please send a message via the contact form for donation instructions.If you like what you’re reading here, please forward this website to a friend: http://www.transformingthroughlove.com.
