Today would have been my parents’ 70th wedding anniversary. My father loved me unconditionally and deeply during the 17 years he was physically part of my life. It took me many decades to wise up to doing this, but my mother taught me how consistently demonstrating loving actions can dissolve even the deepest fear of love for those who are willing to change. Thank you both. I couldn’t have found two better teachers of love. Eliora and Judah, I dedicate this post to you with all my heart.
Photo taken the day Laila was diagnosed with terminal cancer
I realized, while chatting with two of my neighbors yesterday, how passionately so many of us fight to maintain our limitations.
Watch for it. Listen for it. You’ll see it.
How many of us are living lives we’re not loving because “it’s too hard to change at my age?”
How many of us are limiting our children’s possibilities because “there’s no security in this world?”
How many of us are abandoning relationships like dirty underwear because “I’m not comfortable with love/intimacy/commitment/honesty/monogamy/her/him/stability/etc?”
I have another neighbor who lost several of her dogs to cancer. She adores her dogs and was heartbroken when they passed. When my dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer nearly two years ago, knowing her history, I asked her to pray for Laila’s recovery. She promised she would before volunteering stories about how many other dogs in our neighborhood were recently diagnosed or had recently died of cancer.
That’s when I decided to avoid her. Her negativity wasn’t useful for either Laila or me. I became really good at getting out of Dodge when I’d see the neighbor on our walks. Poof! We were gone!
About a month ago, Laila and I were out for a walk when I heard someone call my name. My parka hood covered my face; I couldn’t see who’d called. It was the neighbor. She asked if I’d adopted another dog who looked just like Laila. I told her no, this was Laila. It didn’t make sense to her. I could see how confused she was by Laila’s still being alive. I’d messed with her belief system. I told her we were a few months away from her two year anniversary of being cancer-free. That’s when she vanished. Turn about is fair play.
I took a calligraphy workshop many years ago with Sheila Waters. Sheila was and is one of the grande dames of international calligraphy. I took a lot of calligraphy workshops with a lot of people many years ago, and I hope I’m correctly attributing this quote to her. I think I am. Sheila invited us to picture ourselves passing through the narrow end of a funnel. I had a yellow plastic funnel at home and pictured being in that funnel. I couldn’t see much around me, and I felt claustrophobic. Sheila said we only knew a little of life while in the narrow end of the funnel but thought we knew much more than we did because that was all we saw.
Sheila then invited us to picture suddenly emerging from the narrow end of the funnel. All of a sudden, the claustrophobia was gone. I felt free. I felt limitless. I’d graduated from my confinement and had the freedom to feel and experience whatever I wanted! Sheila invited us to work at emerging from the narrow end of the funnel to experience more of what was possible in our calligraphy and in our lives.
What a fabulous analogy!
What would life be like if we left the narrow end of the funnel? And what would love be like if we emerged from the narrow end of the funnel?
Maybe fifteen years later, not long after I’d changed careers, another of my teachers beautifully summarized the process of learning how to love. His name is Charles Curcio, and he’s written a meaningful book entitled “The New Day: An Autobiography, Entrepreneur’s Guide and Spiritual Primer.”
Charles has had a fascinating life. With five hundred dollars and an unstoppable desire to succeed, he persevered and became the CEO and television pitchman for Tire Kingdom. You can still view his commercials on youtube. They’re hilarious. I met him several years after he’d hung up his scepter and embraced spirituality and healing as his life purpose. He was still hilarious; his light spirit helped me remember his powerful words sixteen years later.
Here’s Charles on the evolution of love:
“The evolution of love is to grow from selfishness to selflessness, to evolve from taking into giving.”
How many of us stay in selfishness? How many of us realize there is more to love than satisfying our selfish needs? And how many of us live our lives in the narrow end of the funnel: feeling lonely and unloved, allowing ourselves to stay in one-way connections, running like hell whenever we’re faced with the possibility of expanding into what we could be?
I think the first step to transforming through love is to move out of the narrow end of whatever funnel we’re in. Belief systems are a narrow end of a funnel. Staying stuck in one’s life story is a narrow end of a funnel. Losing hope that there’s something better waiting for us is a narrow end of a funnel. There are many other narrow ends of funnels. Whether you have a partner, whether you don’t have a partner, whether you are presented with a new partner, or whether you choose authentic friendships over love relationships, I invite you to consider doing something different.
When we take the leap of faith out of the narrow end of our chosen funnel or funnels into our full expression of giving and receiving love –just because we can – that’s living and that’s loving.
Your thoughts?
Copyright 2015 by Sheryl Hirsch-Kramer. All rights for any further use reserved. For permission to repost or reuse the above only in its entirety, fill out this form: http://www.transformingthroughlove.com/contact/ The information presented at www.TransformingThroughLove.com and during coaching sessions is of a general nature and is not intended to be use as legal, medical or professional advice. None of the information on this website is intended as a substitute for the counsel of a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist, or other trusted health professional. Always contact your own health care provider to assist you with your medical or health issues. The information presented here is only meant to support you while you are being cared for by your own health care provider during your life’s journey. It is not intended to be used as stand alone legal, medical or professional advice. We cannot and will not take any responsibility for the results or consequences of any attempt to use or adopt any of the information presented on this web site as legal, medical, or professional advice.Always consult your physician or trusted health professional to design a treatment plan for your own or for someone else’s wellness. All the information on this website is intended solely as loving support intended to accompany traditional medical care, not as stand-alone advice. We appreciate your donations; please send a message via the contact form for donation instructions.If you like what you’re reading here, please forward this website to a friend: http://www.transformingthroughlove.com.
