Love bravely, change the world?
“You talkin’ to ME?!! YOU TALKIN’ TO ME?!!” Robert DeNiro in ‘Taxi Driver’
If you feel a sudden queasiness when you read this post’s title, relax. You’ve got lots of company. Love, sure, but love bravely? Put my heart on the line, even when I don’t know what the other person will do to my newly exposed heart?
Love bravely, change the world?!!
Seriously, you talkin’ to ME?!!
Perhaps you were raised to only speak when spoken to, to only love when love is offered. If you’re committed to transforming your part of the world through love, then I ask you to consider if it’s time to revisit whatever etiquette you’ve learned about the rules of loving and being loved.
The prospect of someone speaking words of love to someone you barely know can be terrifying to both speaker and speakee. Loving full out is one of the bravest things any of us can do, especially after a lifetime of broken hearts, rejection, lies, paper promises, and smashed dreams.
Sure, some people will run away from you as fast as they can. They may look at you with fear. Let’s get real. They may look at you with absolute terror. They may humor you with the words people use when speaking with someone they feel is packing, chemically altered, or insane.
Good! If you were the speaker, congratulations! You’ve done it right!
That, my friend, is loving bravely.
What can happen when you love bravely? Thanks to The Love and Kindness Initiative, the movement I’ve begun following the murder of my cousin to antidote the energy of fear and hatred with love and kindness, I’ve got dozens of stories to inspire you.
Story 1: I met Rebecca the cashier when I showed up in her line at Whole Foods. I looked into her eyes and felt her gorgeous heart. Even though she’s studying for a career in something left-brained, she’s kept her heart open.
I always speak from my heart when I see her, I always honor her for her gorgeous heart and for the gift of kindness she gives to everyone who shows up in her line. She always turns away from me. I’ve seen tears gather in the corners of her eyes. The first time she turned away from me, I wondered if I’d somehow chosen words that had pierced her tender heart.
I learned yesterday that she always turns away because, and I quote, “I always feel strong emotions when I see you.” And then she smiled, the most beautiful little heartfelt smile.
I’m going to keep saying what I say to her. I understand that what I’m doing might cause her to break her professional demeanor, that what I’m doing might even cause her to get into trouble at work.
She and I have both acknowledged our heart connection. Each time I say what I say to her, I see a little more of her gorgeous heart in her eyes, and each time I say what I say to her, I see how our brief conversation opens her heart a little more to each successive customer. If she’s OK with my doing what I am doing, if she’s OK with accepting my loving bravely, I’ll keep doing it. My loving bravely inspires her to love bravely.
I wonder how many other people will love bravely because of what I’m doing with Rebecca and what she will do with them?
Story 2: Anna works at a local tea room. Like Rebecca, she’s a college student. Anna is majoring in something medical and left-brained.
Anna and I have had just two conversations. Like Rebecca, I see Anna’s beautiful heart in her eyes. And, like with Rebecca, I love Anna.
I stopped last Friday for a cup of something hot and herbal that could help me fight off the beginnings of a cold. Anna was there. My heart led me to give her an impromptu intuitive reading.
I told her she was one of the new generation here to help heal the world with love. I told her her gift is working with people, that I hope she finds a way to use her college education to not only to work in the lab but to calm the scared patients who will come to her for medical tests. And I told her she is a natural energy worker, that she carries the connection with the Divine within her to melt away the stress of others.
She looked at me for a long moment before she spoke. She said, “I’ve been working here for five or six years. I’ve only met two people with whom I’ve been completely comfortable. You’re one. The other was a minister who told me exactly what you’re telling me. I have to pay attention to this.”
Perhaps my loving Anna bravely will change her career path. If I hadn’t shared what I shared, her work might take a different direction, a direction that ultimately wouldn’t have been as satisfying for someone with her loving heart.
Whether yes or no, I’m going to continue to love Anna bravely.
Story 3: I met Pam in 1998. She’d brought me to Oklahoma to give my creativity lecture and teach a weekend workshop for her art group. My health was rapidly deteriorating after surviving a huge life trauma two months earlier. I was in no shape to teach anything to anyone.
I remember spending a lot of the workshop away from the art room, lying on my belly on a hard tile floor in a failed attempt to squelch the sharp pain in my abdomen. I gave the weekend my best effort, but I felt then and for many years after that I could have done a lot better.
I left Oklahoma, I almost died, I left my old career behind, I began studying for a new career in wellness while I slowly recovered my own health, and I fell out of touch with her and nearly everyone else I knew from the old career.
I think it was 2017 when Pam found me on Facebook. She told me how much she’d enjoyed my lecture and workshop. She also told me how sorry she was when she heard I’d left that career behind. She’d wanted to bring me back to Oklahoma!
I apologized to her for giving her and group less than my best effort. I explained what had happened to me and asked for her forgiveness. She said she had no idea I was going through such difficulty, that the weekend was one of the best workshop experiences she’d ever had.
Who knew?
Pam and I share a lot more than a background in art. I’ve had four strokes. She’s had thirty strokes. Thirty strokes, one right after the other. How does anyone survive thirty strokes? She’s also dealing with several unrelated major health challenges.
I’m in awe of what she’s survived, and I’m in awe of her beautiful spirit. When I heard Pam tell me what she’s been through, I made myself a promise to stay in touch. Thanks to my committing to The Love and Kindness Initiative, I began calling her each week.
I didn’t know what to say when I began the weekly calls. What do you say to someone who’s been through what she’s been through?
I decided not to focus on what we say to each other. I focus on sending love to her. I know we talk about things, but the conversations take care of themselves. The words don’t matter. The love matters.
Pam always tells me how our conversations make her feel. She’s said, “I feel such joy when I see your name on my Caller ID.” She’s said, “You are magic.” And she’s said, “My breathing is so much better when we speak!”
Believe me, I’m not the source of the magic. Love is the magic. All I’m doing with Pam is sending love.
Remember, I only knew Pam for four days in 1998 before we reconnected a few years ago. I’ve only had maybe four conversations with Rebecca and I’ve only had two conversations with Anna.
It doesn’t matter how long I’ve known these wonderful people. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know Rebecca’s or Anna’s last name. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t seen Pam in 20 years and possibly won’t see her again.
Love isn’t about length of connection. Love isn’t about knowing last names. Love isn’t about how often we see each other.
As my late friend Bonny used to say, “Love is love.”
The decision to love bravely isn’t for everyone. The decision to love bravely means risking rejection. The decision to love bravely means risking acceptance. The decision to love bravely means following the calling of your heart to connect with someone else’s heart without a guarantee that they will understand your motivation. The decision to love bravely means being willing to appear to be foolish, impetuous, insane, or any number of other things most rational people won’t want to appear to be.
I’ve seen dozens of instances during the three months since my cousin was murdered in which loving bravely has changed lives for the better.
Roll my invitation around in your heart. Don’t roll it around in your mind. Minds have a way of getting in the way of loving bravely.
Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you.
Love bravely, change the world.
And if you want me to inspire your group to love bravely, or if you want to coach with me, there’s a contact form on my website. Please reach out.
Fly high, Thelmala (1961-2018)
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