photo by Service1stGraphics
I named this website Transforming Through Love. I chose that name because I believe directed love was the primary reason my Laila’s life was saved after a diagnosis of terminal cancer. I also believe directed love kept her with me for two more precious cancer-free years.
What is directed love? I define directed love as continually and consciously choosing the highest possible words and actions to support ourselves and others.
We’re human. We’re going to have up days and down days. When we’re under the stress of caregiving and are watching our loved ones experiencing tough days, we are charged with the opportunity to continue to consciously choose the highest possible words and actions to support ourselves and our loved ones.
When Laila was diagnosed with terminal cancer just thirteen months after my disabling stroke, I had no idea how I was going to stay positive for her. I was in the initial stages of my own recovery and didn’t know if I’d be strong enough to give her what she needed. I was adjusting to life with a partially paralyzed arm. I was adjusting to life with a very foggy and very damaged brain. I was relearning how to be in my life. I was experiencing my own mood swings. Laila was my primary caregiver and now, like so many primary caregivers who don’t get respite, her health took a nosedive.
How did I stay positive?
It started three days after her diagnosis. Laila and I were in a park. The photos on this website that show me wearing a red dress were taken that day. I wanted to have photos to remember Laila. I didn’t know if she’d survive, but I felt the chances were slim. I hadn’t yet put together the protocol of prayer, love and fun that I believe brought her back to me, and I was already worn out from a week of not sleeping well .
In that moment, I was pissed off with the photographer. He was doing a really wonderful job, but he spent 45 minutes on the phone casually chatting with a friend who’d called while he was photographing us. I found his taking the call and staying on the phone for as long as he did to be extremely rude.
I have found that great ideas often begin with being pissed off.
Since the photographer was talking to someone else, I began talking with my own someone elses. One woman complimented me on my dress. I told her a friend bought it for me at a nudist colony. Who knew you could find great clothes at nudist colonies? I unexpectedly had made a friend, and I instantly felt less lonely. I made more friends as the day went on. And then I hit gold. A man walking a dog complimented me on my beautiful dog. I replied, “Thank you! She is beautiful, isn’t she? She was diagnosed with terminal cancer three days ago. The vet estimates she has six weeks more to live. Will you pray for her?”
I could see his heart in his eyes. We began chatting about how special it is to have a wonderful dog in our lives. The photographer, who’d never had a dog, listened to what we were saying. That conversation went on for a while before the man and his dog left. I felt cared about and supported the whole time we were speaking. I realized, in that moment, that if I asked strangers to pray for Laila, I’d feel better and I’d increase her chances of feeling better.
The photographer had finished the shoot. He said he didn’t have anywhere to go and suggested we hang out for a while. It was lovely to spend time with him. He opened up to me about his life. For the first time since I’d met him, I felt like he’d taken down his wall and was allowing me to connect with him. It felt wonderful. It was the best part of the day. Laila liked him. She sat on his foot, her sign of approval. I was sorry when the sun began to set and it was time for all of us to leave.
I began asking for lots of prayers the next day. I started with my neighbors. Laila wasn’t interested in spending time with the kids on the block, but the kids had always liked her. They all agreed to pray for her. One of the neighbors was distracted by the decline in her mother’s health. The mother prayed for Laila, and I prayed for the mother. The mother eventually had a heart transplant and is thriving today.
I then went to a nearby town that is known for being a gathering place for religious people. I walked up to hundreds of strangers, asking them to pray for her. One person offered to conduct a Buddhist ceremony for Laila when she returned home. The street sweeper and a town resident and I held hands very early one morning and prayed for Laila. The people who said they weren’t religious agreed to visualize Laila as being happy and healthy. No one ever turned me down.
People thought I lived in that town. I sometimes visited twice a day, walking with Laila and asking for prayers. Townspeople would call out to us from their porches, asking how she was doing. The man who ran the coffee shop with the sign on the wall, “We would love to pray with you. Just ask,” prayed for her and always asked about her when we’d walk by his shop. I met a lot of missionaries. They feared for my soul when they learned my religion but saw my heart and gladly placed her in prayer. I even got to introduce two missionaries who’d heard about each other but had never met.
I met a woman who walked her own dog in that town whose son had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I know a lot about schizophrenia and shared my knowledge with her. She was so grateful, and she’d always ask how Laila was doing. The men who pump gas in the neighborhood gas station began blessing her. Cashiers at the local health food stores asked how the two of us were doing. We brought new people in each day, and everyone who joined with us felt part of something wonderful, something that was much bigger than any of us individually.
I felt increasingly energized. Laila understood this asking the world for prayers and support was all for her and seemed to be growing stronger. Her ragged breathing became relaxed, and she slept through the night. A month after her diagnosis, the vet was unable to find the tumor. We all did it together. We created this!
I switched from asking for prayers to asking people who’d prayed for us how I could be there for them. I walked up to strangers with a newly healthy Laila, told them her story and asked them to remember her if they or someone they knew ever got a scary diagnosis. For two years, I lived within a miracle zone. It was one of the best times of my life.
When Laila passed away earlier this summer, I gave out little hearts to many of the people who were there for us. I gave hearts to the usual suspects: the vet, vet tech, and friends. I also gave hearts to the unusual suspects: the men at the gas station, the street sweeper, and the cashiers at the health food stores. I gave hearts to so many people I’m not naming, and I continue to give out hearts. I even offered a bag of hearts to an internet marketing teacher in England who’d been diagnosed with terminal cancer. He never responded. I’m still glad I offered them to him.
People who receive the hearts are invited to either keep them as a memento of Laila or to give them out to people who opened their own hearts to them when they needed that to happen. I love hearing how they’re being distributed.
I know I couldn’t have given Laila the support she needed without all the help we had. I am deeply grateful to everyone who was there for us.
If you ever need help and don’t know how to create your own community, remember how it all started for us. I was pissed off enough to do something new.
If you’re ready to transform your story from one of pain into one of healing, let’s see if we’re a professional match for each other. I invite you to fill out the contact form. And thanks for reading.
Copyright 2015 by Sheryl Hirsch-Kramer. All rights for any further use reserved. For permission to repost or reuse the above only in its entirety, fill out this form: http://www.transformingthroughlove.com/contact/ The information presented at www.TransformingThroughLove.com and during coaching sessions is of a general nature and is not intended to be use as legal, medical or professional advice. None of the information on this website is intended as a substitute for the counsel of a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist, or other trusted health professional. Always contact your own health care provider to assist you with your medical or health issues. The information presented here is only meant to support you while you are being cared for by your own health care provider during your life’s journey. It is not intended to be used as stand alone legal, medical or professional advice. We cannot and will not take any responsibility for the results or consequences of any attempt to use or adopt any of the information presented on this web site as legal, medical, or professional advice.Always consult your physician or trusted health professional to design a treatment plan for your own or for someone else’s wellness. All the information on this website is intended solely as loving support intended to accompany traditional medical care, not as stand-alone advice. We appreciate your donations; please send a message via the contact form for donation instructions.If you like what you’re reading here, please forward this website to a friend: http://www.transformingthroughlove.com.
