photo by Service1stGraphics

When’s the last time you felt deeply heard by someone else?

Have you ever felt deeply heard by someone else?

It’s become socially acceptable to sort of listen to other people.  Tell the truth.  Are you paying more attention to Siri than the person sitting across from you?

Call waiting has become a convenient way to dump someone you want to dump.  Instead of dumping them, don’t take the call because you are bored in that moment, and don’t lie to them so you can get away when you’ve had enough.  Simply don’t take the call.

Remember that old cartoon of a dog who appears to be intently listening to his human?  He’s sitting on the floor, looking adoringly at the speaker.  The speech bubble reveals what’s really happening with the dog.  No, he’s not intently listening .  He is hearing, “blah blah blah Rover blah blah blah blah blah.”  He wags his tail only when he hears his name.

How often have you been ” blah blah blah” to someone else until you mention their name?

Oh baby, I feel you.

Showing someone  the respect that comes with giving them your full attention is an underrated way of showing someone you love them.

If living in the age of technology has done a number on your listening skills, I’m offering a five point review:

• Deep listening requires your being fully present in this moment.  You’re not waiting for the other person to take a breath so you can share the one revelation you have no doubt will transform their life.   You’re not waiting for the other person to run out of steam so you can talk about yourself and how you went through something similar that isn’t at all similar.  And you’re not waiting for the other person to stop so you can say the thing you’ve been waiting to say ever since they started talking, which may or may not still be relevant.  You are intently listening, moment by moment.  You are listening deeply to the truth of another being who needs to be heard right now.  That’s it.  And that’s enough.
• Deep listening requires your listening to both parts of the conversation.  Are you remembering the important things you are saying to the other person?  Are you making promises you’ll forget you made?  Are you repeating your offer to help each time you speak but forget you’ve already offered it or never take action on what you’ve offered?  Choose your responses carefully.  Another person’s future may depend on it.
• Deep listening requires your turning off or muting all of your technology in order to give the other person your undivided attention.   Yes, all of your technology.  You can do this.  Take a deep breath, then press the button.
• Deep listening requires your honoring another human being for giving you the gift of their vulnerability.  So many of us have been socialized to believe that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness.  It takes great courage to take down our walls and show someone else who we are, warts and all.  So thank the other person for allowing himself or herself to be vulnerable with you.
• Deep listening requires that you modulate your presentation to support another person’s comfort in speaking their truth.   If you are physically together, turn towards them.  Look at them while they are speaking.  Whether or not you are physically together, adjust the tone and volume of your voice to sound as caring as possible.  Be responsible for making  your part of the conversation as supportive as you can.  You get the idea.  Sure, it’s work the first few times you do it.  Any new behavior is work.  When you experience the deepening of your relationships, it feels a lot less like pain in the ass work and a lot more like blossoming love.

If I’m teaching Transforming Through Love with integrity, I have to walk my walk.  Deep listening is a respectful expression of love.  Love heals.   I’ve seen this with my mom and my aunt during their dementia years. They did better when I listened to what they were saying, even if it didn’t make sense.  I was listening to their hearts as much as I could, not always to their words.

I’ve seen this with my dog during the final two years of her life.  She did better when I paid close attention to her behavior changes, even if it was seemingly insignificant. I didn’t worry about the changes.  I paid attention to the changes.  There’s a difference.  She wanted to know I was paying attention.  If you have or have ever had a rescue dog, you’ll understand they need extra reassurance that you will be there for them, no matter what.

And I’ve seen this with my own recovery from a disabling stroke. My health depends upon my engaging only in mutually respectful relationships.

Maybe yours does, too.

My seven years of experience hosting radio and my many years of life have trained me to be a very good listener.   I remember how it felt to not be heard, not be supported, not be silently held during my own critical times.   And my health took a dive when that happened.

Oh baby, I feel you.

It would be my honor to offer you the support you might need at this point in your life journey.

It would be my honor to hear here.

If you’re ready to transform your story from one of pain into one of healing, let’s see if we’re a professional match for each other.  I invite you to fill out the contact form.  And thanks for reading.

Copyright 2015 by Sheryl Hirsch-Kramer.  All rights for any further use reserved.  For permission to repost or reuse the above only in its entirety, fill out this form:  http://www.transformingthroughlove.com/contact/  The information presented at www.TransformingThroughLove.com and during coaching sessions is of a general nature and is not intended to be use as legal, medical or professional advice.  None of the information on this website is intended as a substitute for the counsel of a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist, or other trusted health professional.  Always contact your own health care provider to assist you with your medical or health issues.  The information presented here is only meant to support you while you are being cared for by your own health care provider during your life’s journey.  It is not intended to be used as stand alone legal, medical or professional advice.  We cannot and will not take any responsibility for the results or consequences of any attempt to use or adopt any of the information presented on this web site as legal, medical, or professional advice.Always consult your physician or trusted health professional to design a treatment plan for your own or for someone else’s wellness.  All the information on this website is intended solely as loving support intended to accompany traditional medical care, not as stand-alone advice.  We appreciate your donations; please send a message via the contact form for donation instructions.If you like what you’re reading here, please forward this website to a friend:  http://www.transformingthroughlove.com.