Laila caught that new dog flu that’s been going around and nearly died. The flu is gone. The serious health issues it left in its wake are being handled. Once more, I am in awe of my elderly dog’s amazing will to live. She wants to be with me as I want to be with her. I watched her fight for her life and know she could have easily made a different choice. I am greatly blessed to be loved by her, and I am greatly blessed to still have her in my life.
I don’t think there’s a better way to learn how to love someone than by becoming their caregiver. Each time I become her or someone else’s caregiver, I learn more about how to love.
Laila and I were visiting Divine Lake a few days before she became ill. We saw a grandmother and grandson feeding small pieces of bread to the pair of mute swans who migrate there each spring. There are signs posted around the lake not to feed the birds. Swans are birds. The pair of humans ignored the signs, emptying the contents of the bread bag into the waiting swans’ mouths as fast as they could. The grandmother thought she was doing something loving for the swans. She called out to me as we walked by, “Look how hungry they are!”
When we returned to the lake the next day, I saw one of the swans had died. Its mate was distraught, swimming back and forth, occasionally taking flight and then returning to check on the mate’s body. Mute swans mate for life. I worried that the swan might die of a broken heart. Swans can do that. I experienced something called Broken Heart Syndrome two weeks before my stroke. I know how a broken heart caused me to nearly die, and I didn’t want my remaining swan friend to do what I nearly did.
I felt all the heartbreak of the surviving swan and couldn’t continue watching. I had to do something. I convinced a passing maintenance man to have the dead swan removed (he wanted to leave the body for the major grounds cleanup scheduled for the next day) and then I went home and researched what swans should eat. It’s not bread. Stale bread can kill swans. Mold and toxins can form on the stale bread that are lethal to swans.
Did the swan die because the grandmother thought she was showing love by feeding him or her old bread?
Without an autopsy to establish cause of death, it’s certainly a possibility.
The grandmother justified her feeding the swans, in violation of the signs posted, by saying the swans were too hungry for her not to feed. I saw how quickly they were eating. I’d agree they were hungry. I’m certain the grandmother had no idea what the dietary needs of adult mute swans might be. If she knew what they were, she could have brought chopped lettuce leaves to throw into the water. Swans can safely eat lettuce leaves.
Why did the grandmother bring bread? Maybe she remembered spending time at this lake with her own grandparents, feeding the swans pieces of bread. Maybe she’d seen other people bringing bread to feed the swans and assumed it was swan chow. Maybe she’d seen cartoons of people feeding bread to swans. I don’t know why she did what she did. I am certain she never meant to hurt either swan and would feel awful if she learned that feeding them old bread turned out to be the reason that swan died.
How many of us learn how to love from watching people who don’t know or don’t take the time to discover what their loved ones really need? How many of us learn how to love from people who are in trade agreements (I’ll give you this if you give me that), not relationships? How many of us learn how to love from watching movies or television shows, not from real life? How many of us learn how to love from watching unconscious people treat their loved ones the way they saw their unconscious parents and family members treat others?
It’s no wonder there’s so much bad love in the world.
I have been a caregiver to six animal and human family members. Caring for six different beings throughout my life means I’ve had to develop and implement six different care plans based upon the needs of each loved one. No two care plans were alike. Once I freed myself from my own ideas of what these loved ones needed and took the time to learn what felt like love to them, I was on my way to learning how to love them. And I’m still learning. The learning never, ever ends.
When you were young, did you want to change the world?
You still can change the world.
Loving someone, really loving someone the way they need to be loved can end up changing the world.
And it all starts here.
If you’re ready to transform your story from one of pain into one of healing, let’s see if we’re a professional match for each other. I invite you to fill out the website contact form. And thanks for reading.
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