Lasting Friends Photo by Andrea Mitreuer

Are lasting relationships possible?

This photo was taken five days before my dog Laila passed on.  Tobie the beagle followed her several weeks later.  They both passed when their bodies became too old for them to keep on living.  They were great friends for many years and enjoyed one of the most loving relationships I’ve ever seen.

Do you feel the love?

If two dogs could share a heart connection that transcended old age and illness, why are so many long term human relationships currently falling apart?

Some relationships fall apart so that more transformational, more soul aligned, more loving relationships can fall together.  Other relationships fall apart because one or both of the people didn’t know what to do to bring them back.

Let’s look at the above question from a slightly different angle.  How can we become the highest version of ourselves in all our relationships?  How can we transform the way we move through our lives in our relationships with the world and in our relationships with each other to be the love we are?

Meet Morgan.

My mom and Morgan were friends for over 80 years.  They were neighbors who played together as young children and stayed in occasional contact throughout the rest of their lives, long after my mom had moved to the city.

I loved Morgan as my friend, not my mom’s friend.  In the later years of their lives, I’d be the one who would suggest we pop in on her.  Morgan was always happy to see us.

Morgan was one of the greatest teachers of love I’ve been blessed to meet.  What did Morgan know about transforming through love?

• Morgan loved people as they were.  My mom loved Morgan and felt, along with Morgan’s parents and many of Morgan’s friends, she’d married the wrong man.  My mom came up with all sorts of reasons why she didn’t think Morgan’s husband was good enough for her.  Morgan knew her highest service to the man she married was to love him for who he was, not for the person she might have wanted him to be.  Was their marriage easy?  No.  Did they stay together until he passed?  Morgan and her husband wouldn’t have had it any other way.  Even though Morgan knew my mom judged Morgan’s husband, Morgan never stopped loving her husband and Morgan never stopped loving my mom.  Morgan loved people as they were.
• Morgan accepted people as they were.  My mom was a neat freak.  Morgan wasn’t.  My mom would step into Morgan’s living room, surreptitiously turn up her nose at the clutter and make the visit short.  Morgan was onto her.  She’d tell my Mom she knew her house was too messy for her comfort and escorted us outside to visit on the patio.  We all laughed a lot, and we hated to leave.  Morgan never defended her style of housekeeping.  Morgan never changed who she was for my mom.  Instead, Morgan understood my mom hated clutter.  Morgan never judged my mom out loud for hating clutter.  Morgan never spoke a word of criticism towards my mom for her different ideas and her different path through life.  Morgan loved my mom enough to give her what she needed.  My mom loved Morgan enough to learn to love visiting her oldest friend on the patio.  Morgan accepted people as they were.
• Morgan looked for the good in every relationship.  She found herself a gentleman friend a few years after her husband passed.  Once more, my mom didn’t think he was good enough for Morgan.  Morgan told my mom and me she was glad he lived his own life five days each week before spending each weekend with her.  She lovingly laughed at his shortcomings; they were part of who he was.  She appreciated the gift of his company.  As with her husband, she knew how she was to be treated, and she made it clear to him when he’d crossed a line with her.  As with her husband, she knew how to love someone in a way in which they felt cherished for who they were.  When people feel cherished for who they are, they will often shower their partners with a respect and love they’ve never before felt.  Who would want to hurt or leave such a love?  As did her husband, his love and respect for the queen she was manifested in his cherishing her when they were together.  Whatever he did during his five days away from her each week was his concern, not hers.  After he passed, she focused on remembering the good times they’d shared instead of remembering his human failings or grieving his passing.  Morgan looked for the good in every relationship.
• Morgan’s emotions were always transparent, and Morgan always looked for and found the joy in life.  I called Morgan two years before my mom passed to invite her and her daughters to dine with us.  I didn’t know how she’d handle hearing that her oldest friend had dementia.  I asked to be given the right words to prepare her for the visit.  I told her my mom’s health was good.  I then told her my mom had developed dementia.  Morgan’s response?  “That’s great!  I have dementia, too!”  We laughed together that the old friends had found one more thing to have in common.  Even with dementia, Morgan faced a difficult moment and found a way to make it joyous.  Morgan’s emotions were always transparent, and Morgan always looked for and found the joy in life.
• Morgan taught her daughters by example to be like her.  She had three daughters.  Morgan had asked me to let her know when my mom passed so she could make the long trip to attend her funeral.  When I called her a few hours after my mom had passed and learned the number had been disconnected, I knew what had happened.  I found the phone number for one of Morgan’s daughters.  She told me Morgan had passed away two months before my mom.  Even though Morgan’s daughter and I had only met twice, she held me in her love.  I was alone, calling the daughter from a hotel lobby right after making my mom’s funeral arrangements on the hotel’s computer.  I needed to feel loved and supported.  The daughter was there for me.  We shared the old stories Morgan and my mom used to share.  We’d suddenly become the old friends our mothers had been.  It was deeply healing for us both.  Morgan’s daughter did for me what her mom would have done for anyone.  Morgan was love.  Morgan’s daughter was love.  Morgan taught her daughters by example to be like her.

When both people in a relationship do what Morgan did, anything becomes possible.  I’ve even seen it happen that when one person who is devoted to living as love who is in a relationship does what Morgan did, anything becomes possible.

Are lasting relationships possible?  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  It’s not always about the length of time we are in relationship with each other.  It’s more frequently about the quality of the connect we share with each other for as long as it lasts.  And, as with Morgan, if the cherishing and respect are great, who would want to hurt or leave such a love?

May her story be as transformational for you as knowing her has been for me.

Copyright 2018 by Sheryl Hirsch-Kramer.  All rights for any further use reserved.  For permission to repost or reuse the above only in its entirety, fill out this form:  http://www.transformingthroughlove.com/contact/  The information presented at www.TransformingThroughLove.com and during coaching sessions is of a general nature and is not intended to be use as legal, medical or professional advice.  None of the information on this website is intended as a substitute for the counsel of a qualified doctor/physician, nurse, pharmacist, or other trusted health professional.  Always contact your own health care provider to assist you with your medical or health issues.  The information presented here is entertainment, information that is only meant to support you while you are being cared for by your own health care provider during your life’s journey.  It is not intended to be used as stand alone legal, medical or professional advice.  We cannot and will not take any responsibility for the results or consequences of any attempt to use or adopt any of the information presented on this web site as legal, medical, or professional advice. Always consult your physician or trusted health professional to design a treatment plan for your own or for another’s wellness.  All the information on this website is intended solely as loving support intended to accompany traditional medical care, not as stand-alone advice.  We appreciate your donations; please send a message via the contact form for donation instructions.If you like what you’re reading here, please forward this website to a friend:  http://www.transformingthroughlove.com.